


Lebenswille

by FairyLights101



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alpha Armin, Alpha Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Amnesia, Depression, Drugs, Forced Prostitution, Kidnapping, M/M, Omega Eren, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Trans Character, Trans Eren Yeager, Violence, omega mike
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:30:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyLights101/pseuds/FairyLights101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike peered at the book, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. Somewhere in the distance a clock ticked. Pages rustled. He pinched his brow and glanced up with a quiet sigh. "Hanji?"</p>
<p>"Yes Mike?"</p>
<p>"What does this word mean?"</p>
<p>They glanced over and peered at the word above his finger, and he watched as their lips slowly curled into a smile. </p>
<p>"Lebenswille - the will to live."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For a good friend of mine. You helped me so much in my time of need that I started to write this for you. You've already read the first chapter, you helped me title it, but I thought I'd make it official. This is for you, though I fear you'll never read it. I'm going to miss you. Thank you for everything. This is to you.
> 
> ~~Anyway, here's Wonderwall~~

The sound of a dozen pairs of feet echoed off the metal walls of the corridor, bring back the sounds of their hurried steps and rapid-fire conversation. “What’s his status? Zackley didn’t tell me shit.” 

“The subject had been in a rage for the last three days since he was recovered. No cessation period has been recorded since oh-one-hundred yesterday morning. That makes his activity clock at over thirty-two hours now.” 

“We're advising measures be taken in order to subdue him.” 

“What  _ kind _ of measures?” 

The doctor’s steps stuttered, his scent grew unsure - they all knew of his reputation, of how he felt about some of their  _ measures _ . “We plan to tranquilize him in two hours.” 

_ Two hours. I’ve got two Goddamn hours. Fucking hell, you morons. _ “And if that doesn’t work?” 

“If that fails, we will fill the room with a powerful gas or cease air flow into it until he is unconscious before we bind him to a table.” 

The Alpha’s feet didn’t still - the answer was expected, typical of those idiot doctors. The damn coats didn’t know how to deal with Omegas and Alpha in the throes of an instinctive rage, or any atypical one that lasted longer than an hour - it just wasn’t common enough and none of the fools at the hospital had bothered to study the damn topic. “How the fuck did you get him in?”

“The sedatives worked in the early stages, but now…” 

Levi didn’t ask anymore, just stormed on with irritation and faint curls of fear stirring his gut.  _ Idiots, the lot of them _ . The sheer fact that they’d made it so far in their fields baffled him, and the fact that they hadn’t been killed while bringing the Omega in and conducting the preliminary experiments before he’d broken the bonds had been a miracle unto itself. From the shitty five minute briefing he’d gotten before they’d shoved him on the plane he’d gathered that there had been a close call: a young student who’d gotten too close as the Omega had come out of his initial tranq’d state who’d been dragged out with a shattered collarbone as they evacuated, closing the door mere seconds before the Omega had broken free. 

One of the scientists broke away from the group and darted ahead and waved his card in front of the scanner pad. The door slid open with a quiet hiss to reveal a new stretch, this one darker than before with huge slabs of thick, sturdy one-way glass lining the walls and monitoring stations and access doors set up between each one. 

Most of the observation rooms they passed were empty, though a few held subjects - anomalies. People born without a dynamic - Gammas - who were alive but lacking in every aspect except for basic survival instincts, seeking out food and water and protection, incapable of speech or recognizing it, lacking  _ something _ vital. Individuals caught in rages or trances urged by instincts that some did not completely understand, particularly in the long term, just that it was a survival mechanism. 

Heads turned as they approached and every doctor and scientist jerked upright and out of their chairs to slam a hand over their hearts as he marched past, eyes close and face unreadable, not dropping the salute until he’d passed. They didn’t dare whisper, not with his reputation. He’d throttled more than a few idiots who’d made a dumbass comments or made choices that would’ve killed their subjects, not helped. 

It took three minutes and thirty-seven seconds to reach the observation room, though the sounds from it were audible long before - heavy thuds and muted snarls. Levi completely ignored the gaggle of coats around him, marched up to the window, and squared himself to it, studying the Omega inside with an impassive face, even as his insides shriveled with agony. 

The Omega was a behemoth, everything Alphas vied to be. Shaggy gold hair was plastered to his forehead and neck with sweat and hints of stubble coated his jaw. His hospital-issue white shirt and pants were almost soaked through. Wild eyes darkened by massive pupils, despite the bright lights above, snapped around, flashing hints of a ring of a molten gold iris that almost seemed to glow. There was a bed in the corner bolted to the floor but with its restraints snapped out of place. Nearby there were spots of blood and a shattered vial - test tubes. Bloody footprints led away from it, made a path through the room before they faded. Blood was caked to his feet. 

“Vitals?” 

“Everything is elevated, but they seem to be sta-” The Omega slammed against the glass once, twice, five times before he backed off, chest heaving as he stared at the glass wall and curled his fingers, the nails sharpened into deadly claws. The Omega bared his teeth, snarled, and thrashed his head from side to side. His movements lasted for almost a minute before he stilled for a second, body thrumming with unspent energy, and lurched into motion, stalking through the room with lips curled back to form a ruthless snarl that spilled quietly through the speakers. 

“I’ve seen this before.” 

“Sir?” 

He tapped the glass pane and the Omega’s entire body twitched before his head snapped toward the sound, one likely so faint that most others wouldn’t have heard it. Levi twisted around and glared each and every coat down, his voice cold when he snapped out. 

“Fight ring. Probably has a cocktail of drugs in him, so many that his body can’t flush them rapidly. Doesn’t help that they probably used the latest batch we’ve been seeing - longer-lasting, more potent, that kind of stuff. And that  _ shit  _ that you’ve been pumping into his body is reacting bad to say the fucking least - it’s  _ killing him _ . The drugs keep the fighters in a rage, usually long enough to last a fight, sometimes longer if they want more than one fight. It keeps them fighting until they can kill on their own - or it gives them that much more of a bloody fight or someone to halfway control. And this shit you’re injecting him with makes it harder to flush out. His body is used to those drugs. It’s gonna take longer to get them out. And you fucking made it worse. Good job guys, fucking outstanding. You’re honestly lucky his organs haven’t started failing.” 

A scathing glare swept over them, the pungent scent of fear pouring out as they flinched back. “W-We couldn’t do bloodwork! He-” 

“There are symptoms.” 

The one who had spoken flushed and backed away, eyes fixed on the ground and neck bared at the raw dominating scent that Levi exuded. He balled his hands into tight fists, took a deep breath, and turned on his heel to stare through the glass at the Omega as he dragged his hands down the wall, snarling and snapping at it. 

“Um… We don’t know much about it. We know he’s Mike Zacharius, age twenty-five. He’s been missing for eight years. No known relatives within the immediate family are still alive. They held a funeral a year after his disappearance.” 

_ I know _ . 

Levi’s gut twisted painfully and he bit his tongue, choking on the emotions welling up. “What about where you found him? Was he hurt?” 

“Yes - there were several lacerations and a broken wrist that has since healed at an accelerated rate. He was and still is very malnourished.” 

Levi glanced back at the coats behind him and hesitated for a moment, running through possible scenarios before he twisted around completely. “Tell them to get a stronger set of restraints, as many IVs as you need, and whatever else you can think of.” 

Silence met his words, then choked noises of surprise. “What?!” 

Levi shrugged off his jacket and tossed it to one of the doctors who reflexively caught it, her face still froze in shock. “Fuck it up and I’ll beat your ass next. Now,” he eyed the gathering around him as he started rolling up his cuffs, blue gaze scathing. “Stop asking stupid questions and let me in there. Now!” he barked when they failed to move and instead looked to one another, utterly baffled. 

His command sent them scrambling into action, voices overlapping and trembling hands ushering him over to the access door. It opened with a hiss to another small ‘room’, a containment room to stagger the entrances and exits into the observation cells and make it harder to escape.  _ “Sir, are you-” _

“Just shut it and open the door already before I die of old age.” 

Three beats of his heart and then the door on his left slid open with a hiss. The scent was overwhelming, flooded with primal rage and pure fear and something sickly sweet - the drugs. Soft snarls started up, a warning as Levi stepped in and the door shut behind him. 

The Omega stood on the other side of the observation room, hunched slightly with his body pressed tight to the wall. Sweat dripped down his forehead to the floor, his chest heaved, golden eyes snapped around, his body quivered. Levi stopped half a meter in and held his hands up, palms out, as he let his scent loose, calming threads of Alpha pheromones cutting through the near tangible haze of Omega pheromones. 

“Zacharius, I’m not here to hurt you. I’m just here to help. Listen to me.” Another snarl rumbled from the Omega’s throat, guttural and sharp. Levi chanced another step and kept speaking, his voice carefully slow and soft. “You aren’t in the fighting rings anymore. You got out. Escaped. And you’re safe here, but you need to  _ calm down _ . Listen to me. Mike-” 

The Omega lunged forward, fast twisted and teeth bared, arms spread wide. Levi slammed his hand onto Zacharius’s shoulder as he bent and caught his knee, flipping the Omega with a grunt. Zacharius crashed to the ground and scrabbled to all fours but Levi fisted his hair and shoved his face into the ground as he put all his weight onto the Omega’s back, pinning him down momentarily. 

The Omega snarled and thrashed but Levi dug in and snarled back as his free hand shot in and grabbed his thick neck, digging into the scent glands on either side to scruff him. Zacharius threw his head back with a terrified howl so loud Levi winced, even as his struggles abruptly weakened. Levi leaned close, face twisted away from the wall of glass as he let out a shuddering breath, allowed the agony inside to flash across his face. “I’m sorry, Mike. God, I’m so sorry.” 

The Omega merely whimpered and squirmed beneath his hand, terror glittering in his eyes and filling his scent, bitter to the taste. His struggles lasted for another minute before he finally sagged to the floor, a boneless heap. His breathing evened out after another minute as unconsciousness snatched him away. Levi slowly rose, hands damp with sweat, and glanced at the dark glass. 

“Get it ready.” 

It took forty-seven minutes for the room to be set up - new restraints, this time reinforced, that they lashed Zacharius down with after they wiped away most of the sweat and tugged fresh clothes over his prone body and attached an IV to carry fluids and a feeding tube down his nose, and various other things. 

Levi stood off to the side, stiff and unyielding as he watched. His eyes didn’t stray from that pale, sweaty face, from his twitching hands.  _ I shouldn’t have taken this case _ . But he had too - he couldn’t have stayed away anyway. And now he couldn’t go back. Not to memories of soft eyes and broad smiles and an empty coffin. 

They set up a cot on the other side of the room and a chair beside the bed at his insistence - the hotel reservation could be damned for all he cared. He had to stay, had to watch. Had to make sure he’d be okay. He couldn’t have forgiven himself otherwise.

* * *

 

Armin sniffed and wiped at his face as he staggered down the corridor with a guard prodding him in his aching back every few steps when he inevitably faltered, legs too weak and body aching too much to not.  _ Everything _ burned with pain, an impossible amount radiating from places he’d never thought it could be.

The man had been vicious, biting so hard he’d bled from countless spots across his chest, shoulders, and arms - and that had just been from the biting, not counting the agony of a knot stretching him in ways he never should have been and from having his ass veritably pulverized so hard that blood had mixed with the semen that had oozed out.

_ But it could have been worse. It could have been so, so much worse _ . He hadn’t taken knives to his skin or dripped hot wax on him without a care for his sobs and screams. He’d just brutally fucked Armin until he’d buried his face into the pillows and sobbed. 

Armin stumbled to a stop in a daze outside his cell and he sagged against the cool stone wall, relief making his eyes dampen again as the guard stepped forward, one hand on his club as he shuffled through his keys and unlocked the cell door. The guard had to grab Armin and shove him into his cell - though Armin knew he enjoyed it from the snort that cut through the daze of pain when he staggered and collapsed onto the floor a meter from the cell door. They got so much pleasure from dominating an Alpha, even one too weak to fight back. “Dumb whore.” 

The door slammed shut again and the lock turned with a grate of metal. Armin didn’t move from the rectangle of light as he lay there, shuddering and crying as filthy, poisonous phantom touches roamed his body. He’d feel them for hours more, days even. Hell, they never truly went away. Neither did the pain from having his throat rammed and filled, from having knots stretch his ass until the skin tore from the too-large, too-swift expansion that his body wasn’t built for, of being forced to give his body over and over again. 

The Alpha whimpered and scratched at his skin until it was raw and ached even more, still tingling from those disgusting touches as quiet tears spilled down his cheeks.  _ If I ever get out of here I’m never having sex again. Ever. I’d rather die. Fuck… I just wanna go home. I just wanna be in my house, in my room, in my bed, and this all just be a really long, shitty dream. Hell, I’ll even take waking up from a long coma. Anything but this _ . 

But the ring was the reality, one he couldn’t escape from between four stone walls that plaster and paint had decayed from around him, hallways in slightly better condition just outside, and the constant screams, sobs, and whimpers of the Betas and Omegas who lay in the other offices-turned cells. 

A whisper made him sniff and look up, eyes flitting to the back wall. A hand stretched through a gap in the wall, grasping and searching. Gesturing. Armin struggled up onto weak legs and crawled over, too woozy to stand. He pressed his shoulder to the wall, legs tucked beneath him. Their fingers tangled together, dusky brown and ashy white, both covered in dirt. “Armin, you okay?” 

“Yeah…” 

But he couldn’t fool Eren, even with the squeeze to the Omega’s hand. “Ar…” 

“I’m okay,” he whispered as he pressed a little closer. If he closed his eyes tight enough and focused solely on Eren, on his soft, sweet voice, he could almost pretend they were side by side, safe and outside instead of clinging to each other through a hole in a cold wall in a crumbling, derelict building that was God knew where. “He just bit me a lot. It’s been worse.” 

Eren growled anyway, deep and guttural as he squeezed Armin’s hand tighter. They clung tight to each other like that for a long time before Armin whispered into the darkness, breaking their quiet. 

“Eren… Do you think he made it out??” 

“Maybe. He was strong. And in a rage. I… I hope he did.” 

“Me too…” 

It had been two days, maybe three - it was hard to keep track of time when they never turned off the lights and the meals were irregular at best - since Eren’s cellmate had vanished, since he’d hopefully escaped. Eren had been there, just a few meters behind as he’d taken down another opponent, a huge Alpha nearly his own size, and had watched as Tall’s rage only doubled, tripled instead of recceeding - and it hadn’t stopped when he’d bitten through the Alpha’s throat. A rage that had terrified the guards and spectators as he prowled and snarled, blood dripping from his jaw until he’d lunged at one of the guards, snapped his neck with a crunch so audible even Eren had winced before he’d shattered the heavy wooden door that led into the pit. 

That was all he’d seen before one of the guards on hand had electrocuted Eren when he made to move, to follow. And their nameless friend had disappeared. Without them.  _ We wouldn’t have made it out anyway. Not with me slowing us down _ . He was slow, weak - a pathetic example for an Alpha. And that was why he was the whore while two Omegas fought instead. All because of a fucking birth defect. 

“Eren… did you have a fight?” 

“No. But… i think they want me tomorrow. I heard them talking.” 

Armin flinched and dug his fingers into Eren’s flesh, anxiety flaring as he tried to pretend that his touch alone could keep Eren there, keep him safe.  _ As if _ . _ So stupid. You can’t do anything. Not even when you were home. They told you that enough. Stupid little Alpha boy, should have been an Omega. _

“Ar, Ar, shh… it’s okay. I’ll be okay. Promise. I always am.” 

Armin sniffed and dragged the back of his hand across his cheek, fresh tears and snot smearing as he nodded to the dark. A rough hiccup bubbled up and he doubled over, Eren’s whispers in his ears as he choked on a pitiful wail. 

_ Why? Why couldn’t he have saved us? At least gotten us out? Even if we hadn’t escaped, they would’ve killed us and that _ , that _ is so much better than living in this! _ Armin stilled, tears still streaming down his cheeks as his rough sobs subsided, a thought creeping in.  _ We have to escape. We have to try. They’ll kill us if we don’t make it, but that’s okay. Either way we’re free _ . 

“Armin?” The Alpha enveloped Eren’s hand within both of his and pressed his entire body to the wall the best he could. “Armin, what is it? What’s wrong?” 

“We have to get out!” 

“How? Without Tall…” 

“Eren, he’s gone! He’s not coming back. We have to escape. For him. For us. We can’t stay here, we just  _ can’t _ .” The longer they stayed the less likely they’d be able to come back from it all - the violence, the bloodshed, the cruelty. 

Eren hesitated for a long time before something brushed against the stone - perhaps his shirt. “When?” 

“As soon as we can,” Armin whispered. He cast a glance back to his cell door as his mind whirled. He’d have to find out how many guards there were on their doors and halls in a week. When each set changed. What time would be best to escape. How he would get something to pick the lock. How they’d expand the hole so one of them could slip through. Which side was the best. If they could find a way to acquire rage drugs even. “If this doesn’t work they  _ will _ kill us.” 

“I don’t care,” Eren hissed, “At least I’ll die with you.” 

Armin couldn’t help but crack a grin despite the words, the situation. “That’s such a Hollywood romance film line.” 

“Oh, fuck off, I’m being serious. Just… gimme your hand again, asshole.” Armin let out a water laugh and they clasped each other’s hands again. The Alpha leaned back against the wall, barely registering Eren rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. His mind was bubbling, spinning with ideas.  _ We have to. There’s no other choice. He could die in the pits at any time. One of the men or women could easily kill me too if their ‘fun’ went too far. And then there’s the guards. Fuck _ … 

He rubbed his temple and sighed, eyes shut as he traced paths and struggled to recount every guard. With Tall they hadn’t really had a plan, just decided to wait until one of them had gone into a longer rage before breaking free. This time… this time there needed to be thought. Cunning. And a whole heap of luck - more luck than Armin had ever gotten thus far.  _ Lady Luck, or whatever the hell gives it - you owe me. Big time. When we escape you’d better start paying up _ . Because no matter how good the plan he wouldn’t know everything - and the chances were high that they wouldn’t make it through the first corridor alive.


	2. Chapter 2

A soft groan pulled Levi’s eyes from his work, weak but a definite sound. He nearly dropped the book, nearly leapt to his feet, but he clung to the walls within himself, set the book down and slowly leaned forward. Zacharius’s eyelids flickered, his mouth twitched, fingers spasmed on the bed sheets. 

_ Come on. Don’t you fucking fake me out again you asshole. _

Another groan, a little louder than the first. Dazed gold eyes fluttered open, unfocused and unsure as he stared up at the ceiling. His jaw moved, shifted and rolled like he was trying to form words or do  _ something _ . One second. Two. 

His nostrils flared and he heaved up, the bed jolting against the bolts as the restraints caught him, cut into his skin. Zacharius snarled and thrashed, eyes wild and body trembling. Levi merely sat back and watched as he snapped at the air, teeth connecting with vicious clicks. The air was tainted with pungent fear and desperation and rage but there was nothing sickly sweet to it. His blood was clean of the toxins. _ Finally _ . 

His struggles lasted for a minute more before he sagged into the mattress, breathing ragged and a fresh gleam of sweat on his forehead. Levi cleared his throat and those deep golden eyes snapped over, weary and wary.  _ Something’s wrong. Very fucking wrong. _ “Where… where am I?” 

The Alpha rose and poured a cup of water before he turned to Mike once more, face composed. “You’re safe. Can you drink by yourself and not try to escape, or should I get a straw and hold it for you?” 

He got a deadly glower before Zacharius’s lips curled in irritation. “I can do it myself.” 

“Good. Drink and listen.” Levi pressed the cup into his huge hand before he tugged on the restraint and slid the straps away. The Omega eyed him warily and hesitated before he started to slowly wip at the water. Levi settled back in the chair once more and watched, focusing on any hint of tensing, or eyes flickering in preparation. There were no visible signs so he sighed, crossed his legs, and tapped his knee. “You’re at the Sina Research Center. You were brought in after people found you on the street in a rage five days ago. You’ve been out cold for the last two days getting shit from the fighting pits out of your system. Do-” 

Golden eyes flared open and Zacharius sat up, body tense as he stared at Levi. “Armin! Eren! Were… were they with me?” 

The Alpha frowned and shook his head. “No. No one was with you.” 

The Omega’s face crumpled and his hand drifted down, his grip on the cup loose. “They’re still there then... Still stuck there…” 

Levi shifted forward, hands clasped on his knee as he cast a glance at the glass wall before he looked back to Zacharius. “Who are Eren and Armin?” 

Zacharius scowled at him, his free hand clenching for a moment before he sighed. His eyes went unfocused, slipped past Levi to something far beyond. To something darker. “An Omega and an Alpha,” he rasped quietly, “My friends.” 

“I’ll get a sketch artist in here later so we can start searching for them, see if we can find them and find this particular fight ring. Now-” 

“Who are you?” 

Levi flinched back, couldn’t help it as his heart stuttered for a moment. He bit his tongue savagely and stared at Mike, searching Mike’s face, hoping for some sick, sick joke. There was no indication that that was the case. “Levi… My name is Corporal Levi Ackerman. What’s your’s?” 

Zacharius didn’t seem to notice his pain, his hesitancy. His own answer was immediate. “Tall. They called me Tall. I don’t know my name. I don’t remember a lot before I got to the pits. Just bits and pieces.” 

Levi had to bite his cheek again to quell the flood of words until he was certain that he was calm enough, all while Mike stared at him and slowly sipped at the water again. The Alpha sighed, raked his fingers through his hair, and leaned back, all his confidence gone, the flame of hope extinguished. “Your name is Mike Zacharius. You’re from Sina. You disappeared eight years ago when you were seventeen on the way home from a football practice. Not yours. A friend’s practice. You were declared deceased later, though no body was ever found. Both parents have passed - your father when you were nine and your mother this past year.” 

No inflection. Flat. Perfectly controlled. And it killed him to do that. 

Zacharius - fuck,  _ Mike _ , stared at him for a long while before he shook his head, his smile wry. “Of course. Of fucking course.” Anger flooded his scent for a moment before it faded as quick as it had come, leaving his scent empty. His shoulders sagged, lost all the tension that he’d been holding there as he eyed his cup and swirled it, slow and distant. 

“You’re taking this surprisingly well. Most of the amnesiacs I come across don’t do so well.” 

Mike shrugged and cut his eyes over. “I’ve known something was wrong. Armin said something had happened to make my brain fuck up. They would talk about their parents and their families and I had nothing. I was just hoping that when we got out we’d see them again. Our families. All of us.” 

His fingers twitched on the bed, his voice thickened, and Levi wanted to do nothing more than lean over and cradle the Omega, to press close and croon until the aching sadness and frustration that so plainly troubled him eased. But he didn’t - he  _ couldn’t _ . Saying something would scare him - perhaps too much to salvage any shreds of hope he had left. So he bit his tongue instead as Mike sucked down a shuddering breath and opened his eyes once more. “Do you… do you have a file or something? One they’d be in?” 

“Of course.” A thin file, one they’d managed to have thrown together and shoved into his hands seconds before the door on the plane had shut. So thin that only the basics - relatives, blood type, major achievements - were inside.  _ Thank God _ . 

Levi pulled the manilla envelope from the bedside table and pressed it into Mike’s hands. “Can I trust you and undo your other hand?” 

“Yes.” 

It took a moment but Mike sat perfectly still until Levi pulled back. The Omega flicked the folder open to his sheet and his picture paperclipped to the top, one from when he was seventeen, all gangly limbs and awkwardness. All his information was there - facts Levi had shamelessly memorized years before - with a new sheet, a picture of his unconscious face, his current information below it, a thousand miles different from the face he’d known when he was young. 

Mike flicked through the few remaining pages, the basic information of his parents and a vague list of things he’d done in school, distress rapidly filling his scent with every flick of his eyes until he looked to Levi, jaw clenched and eyes uncertain. “I can’t… I can’t understand  _ any _ of this.” 

Levi frowned and glanced back to the observation wall before he looked back at Mike. The Alpha pulled the file from Mike’s limp, unresisting hands, those golden eyes tracking him. Levi reached out, made to touch Mike’s shoulder but the Omega flinched back, a snarl bursting out as he glowered at Levi, hands clenched so hard on the bed that he trembled, his pupils blown wide. They froze like that for a long time, only Mike’s snarls filling the air between them until those faded away too. Mike relaxed slowly, sagging down onto the bed as weariness replaced the rage. “I’m sorry. I’m… I’m not used to not being hit. Eren and Armin… they were the only ones who didn’t hurt me. Not on purpose.” 

Levi straightened up, his hand tight in his lap as the other fell away. Determination flared in his gut, so hot it burned. “Then we’ll teach you how to be human again. What it means to be treated as such.” Because that was what they’d taken away in those damn pits and replaced with a monster of their making. One who would not hesitate to be violent should he feel his safety be threatened. Mike didn’t look like he believed a word Levi said but he nodded anyway with hopeless golden eyes. 

Levi uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. “They’ll keep you in observation for a few more days, just to ensure you don’t enter another rage, but you’ll be released into my care for rehabilitation into society - and to keep you close for further investigation purposes. Sound good?” 

“I don’t really have a... “ 

“A choice?” 

“Yeah. I don’t have a choice, do it?” 

“Not really.” 

Mike bared his teeth in some gruesome resemblance of a smile. “Fine.” 

Another nod and Levi rose and slowly reached over to his ankles, undoing the remaining straps before he left. By the time he’d returned to the window outside Mike had risen, hesitancy and weakness in his steps as he shuffled across the room, then started to make slow laps around the room. “Get him some food to eat while the sketch artist gets here.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

He watched for a moment more - he couldn’t bear to stay any longer - before he stalked away through the maze of halls, following the tiny signs until he reached the break room, blissfully empty. His fingers shook as he unlocked his phone, gnawing at his raw lip as he punched in Hanji’s number. They picked up on the second ring.  _ “Hey, Levi! Have you called to hear about my new experiment? It’s quite interesting to say the least! Or is this about Mike? How is he? Is he still unconscious? Stable? Healthy? How’s his breathing?” _

“Hanji,” he rasped as he sank into a chair, too tired to stand on his own any more. All noise on the other side ceased instantly.  _ “Oh, Levi… did he pass?” _

“No. Amnesia. He doesn’t remember anything from before. Fuck, he can’t even  _ read _ .” 

_ “Shit… I’m so sorry Levi. Are you still going to rehab him?” _

“Yes.” His voice cracked as he splintered a little more, his walls threatening to come crashing down. But what choice did he have? Dump Mike off in some stranger’s care and never see him again? 

_ “It that even allowed, I mean-” _

“Zackley can fuck himself if he even thinks about taking me off this. I took this job for him and-” 

_ “I know, I know. Just take deep breaths. Think - he wouldn’t be able to handle all the past, not right now. You’ll have to be careful and not push him. Wait until he wants to know.” _

“I know.” 

_ “Okay… I have to go, but we’ll talk when you get back, okay? When I give him his evaluation.” _

He hummed and grunted out a farewell before they hung up and he completely sagged into the chair, limbs limp. A swipe of his finger, a tap, a hitched breath as he soaked in the picture he’d carved into his mind, and the memories that came with it. Darkness all around them but the gazebo they stood under was illuminated with tiny fairy lights that made it golden and warm. Creamy white, buttery gold, and ocean blue flowers spilled over the edges of the railing and trails of ivy hung from the roof. They stood in the middle, his arm wrapped tight around Mike’s waist, Mike’s over his shoulders. Their smiles had been bright, easy, full of adoration and exhilaration. He couldn’t look but he couldn’t bear to look away. Not with their whispered voices in his ears. 

_ “Boys, you can kiss later! Look over here!”  _

_ “Let them be, Kuchel. We can still get pictures of them”  _

_ “I love you, Mike.”  _

_ “I love you too.” _

A rare fated pair, ones destined for a life full of undying love. Something he’d felt in his gut, known to the core of his being from the moment their eyes hand locked, their hands had brushed. Together they should have had the world. Not the years of agony he’d suffered and dragged himself through only to find out the worst had yet to even come.

* * *

 

Eren stalked through his cell, the chain rattling against the uneven floor and jerking harsh enough to almost send him toppling when he reached the end of its reach. His back ached, still raw from where a Beta had thrown him to the ground in the pit, gloating like an arrogant ass until Eren had shattered his collarbone with a single solid, vicious kick. 

Despite that and the ache in his feet and belly and head he couldn’t stop, not even to take deep breaths and calm down so he could watch the guards. Drugs still pumped through his system - he could practically feel the substance oozing through his veins like a dark, poisonous sludge. Armin wasn’t there - he’d been taken somewhere to bathe and doll up and get fucked by God knew how many assholes. Ones who got their kicks out of fucking Omegas and Betas and an Alpha who’d been stolen from their homes. 

The Omega snarled and whipped around, teeth bared and fingers curled tight, so tight his nails bit into his palms.  _ Why can’t they let me take his spot? Why can’t they fucking leave him alone? _ Because the idea of fucking an Alpha that was physically too weak to fight - mostly his heart condition, partly the malnutrition - was apparently fucking  _ appealing _ to some of those psychos out there. Eren stumbled over a bundle of straw and rags - a bed. 

Not his. 

He snarled again and dropped down, ready to ingrain his scent into the moldy hay and filthy rags when he halted. A scent cut through the daze of rage and his entire body stilled, quivered as he sniffed again.  _ Tall _ . His scent was faint but still there, ingrained into the rags that he’d slept on for God knew how long. Eren whimpered and sank onto the shitty makeshift bed so he could bury his face into the mess, desperately seeking out more of that familiar scent. 

Tall had been the only other stable thing in the shithole of the pits, the only thing that had kept him sane until they’d thrown Armin into the cell behind them. Tall had calmed him down from more rages than he could count, even if it meant he got hurt in the process. He’d tended to his wounds with the scarce amount of medical supplies they were thrown. He’d even given him more food when his stomach had betrayed him, even if it meant that he went hungry - and no matter how much Tall denied it the rumbles of his stomach had been audible across the room. And he hadn’t commented on the sports bra beneath his shirt or the lack of a cock - hadn’t even questioned Eren about it. Tall had managed to cling to some shred of his humanity despite it all and Eren missed it,  _ needed _ it. Because he was losing his own. 

A rough sob choked him, made his eyes burn and lungs ache as he buried his fingers into the threadbare blankets and mildewed straw, clinging tight and praying for something,  _ anything _ . Something cool and solid brushed his fingers and he froze, the whimpers dying away as he slowly pulled back. 

His fingers hesitantly closed around it, finding sharp edges and a slender shape, and pulled it out, exposing it to the dim light leaking through the window of his cell door. It caught off a blade, displaying the patches of rust and the nicks in the blade and a strong, sturdy handle.  _ How the fuck did he get this? I don’t think they even carry knives. And how did they not find it? I mean, they toss the rooms. _ He only pondered for a second before he lurched up and scrambled to the hole with a jangle of chains 

There was a groove in it, deep enough that the blade could fit in with a little bit of wiggling. It took a few moments of pushing and cursing before he managed to wedge it in and he sank back with a soft sigh, curls of relief cooling him. Now they had more than his hands, thank God for that. But Armin…  _ How am I gonna protect the both of us? _

Armin was weak - he’d never had a day of gym in his life, not with the shape his heart was in. He’d been on the verge of getting a transplant as it had gotten worse as he’d grown older - he’d only been a month out when they’d snatched him up and made him a part of the harem. 

It’d be hard to get himself out, practically fucking impossible to get himself and a  _ healthy _ person out. With Armin, who could barely do ten steps on a flight of stairs without going breathless, who couldn’t even talk sometimes he was in so much pain, it would be almost impossible. Especially without Tall. “Dammit,” he breathed as he pressed closer to the hole, hand stretched through, seeking Armin’s hand. 

He must have dozed because his eyes fluttered open when someone whispered his name and touched his shoulder. “Mom…”  _ Five more minutes _ , he wanted to groan around his thick tongue,  _ it’s Saturday _ . 

“It’s Armin.” 

His eyes snapped open and the scent of piss and shit, of fear and pain washed over him again, erasing the fading memories of his mother’s cooking, of home. And the disappointment there was absolutely crushing. The Omega shifted with a quiet groan and pressed a dirty palm to his eyes. “Ar… you’re back…” 

“Eren, here. A client gave it to me. Told me I did good so he gave me one. Here. Take it.” 

The scent of something sweet slammed into his nose and Eren started, mouth already drooling as Armin thrust his hand through the hole and opened it. A part of a sweet roll lay on his palm, fingers smudged with icing. He took it with hesitant fingers, all too certain that it would disappear the moment he touched it, but it didn’t. 

He knew they gave Armin treats - Armin came back surprisingly often with whispered stories of how they’d fed him, even given him sips of wine or some other liquid that wasn’t metallic water, food that wasn’t blackened hunks of bread and slop that sometimes still twitched. It was rare, but it still happened with his more regular “customers”. But it was rarer still that he could sneak it back to their cells and share it. The last time had been a long time before Tall had disappeared - a hunk of bread that had barely been enough for the three of them to get a mouthful, but it had been more than enough to make them teary-eyed. But this? 

“Armin, what-” 

“I don’t know, but quick, eat it! It won’t last.” 

Eren nodded in the dark, dumbstruck as he slowly brought it to his mouth and took a tiny bite. Vanilla and cinnamon sweetness exploded in his mouth, flavors he’d nearly forgotten, and so much such and utter goodness that his jaw throbbed and he bit back a quiet sob. 

It brought memories rushing back, ones of quiet summer mornings spent munching on similar sweet rolls while his mother and father drifted through the kitchen, slowly getting ready for work. Even with those recollections nudging at him it was a struggle to not cram the whole thing in his mouth but he managed just barely and savored each and every jaw aching bite, tears streaming quietly down his cheeks.  _ They’re just like Mom’s _ . But he hadn’t tasted those in so fucking long - long enough for what felt like a thousand brawls in the pits, for pieces of who he was to be fractured and ripped away. 

Eventually all the sweet, sticky bread was gone, the remnants licked away and tears wiped, and he grabbed Armin’s hand, licked just as clean as his was. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“You’re welcome.” They clutched each other’s hands for a long time before Eren pressed even closer to the hard, cold rock and plaster. 

“Armin?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I found a knife.” 

He didn’t respond for a moment, just clutched Eren’s hand tighter for a long time. “We have to go. Soon. But we can’t get a clear judge on the guards… Not when they’re already taking us.” 

“We’ll figure it out, Armin. We’ll get out of here, promise. We’ll find our families. We’ll find Tall. We’ll be safe.” They clutched at each other’s hands, seeking out something solid, something safe. Everything they needed and as much as they could get. But his mind ached, and words tumbled out as his chest pulsed, tinged with fear and uncertainty.

“Armin, you know I’ll keep you safe no matter what, right?” 

“I do.” 

“Will you… Will you stay with me when we get out? When you see me?” 

“Of course.” 

“Okay… thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me, Eren. It’s the truth.” They’d never seen each other’s faces, had nothing to go on but voices and descriptions. But Eren was certain that the bubbling warmth in his gut was more than a little affection. It was the kind of burn he’d wage wars, topple governments, move mountains for. It was the kind that would get them out. A sharp clang pulled his head up and they both flinches, hands jerking back to their sides. 

“Eren? “ 

“Yeah.” 

“Oi, Omega,” an Alpha snarled from in front of his cell, baton visible in his hand. “Get your ass over here.” 

Eren growled, low and guttural, but shifted over, chain rattling over the floor. He’d learned quickly not to fight back - that led to vicious beatings before they dumped him into the pits and starving him for days after until he was almost too weak to move. He went as far as his chain would let him and sank down in the square of light. A satisfied grunt came and the cell door opened with a hideous creak. A Beta and an Alpha guard came in bearing a syringe and a club. 

“Arm.” 

He snarled quietly but thrust his arm out. He barely flinched when the needle pierced his skin but it was impossible to not try and recoil from the heat that flooded his veins, the one he couldn’t escape. They tugged on his arm, unlocked him, jerked him up. Forced him to march to the pits, the snarls from a dozen different fights burning his ears, the scent of blood and excitement flooding his nose as he thrashed, ready to fill the air with blood as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know how frequently I'll update this, be it biweekly or weekly, but I'll probably usually update on Sundays. I do have the first 10 chapters written, but it's a matter of balancing out other projects, one of which I will probably start posting on Wednesday. Anywho
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night/existence!


	3. Chapter 3

Mike’s hands were weak and slow but sure as he dressed, confident with the shirt and pants and socks - when he’d remembered what the purpose of the socks were that is. The shoes - those he couldn’t begin to fathom. They went on his feet, yes, but they were loose, slipping off his heels and he was stumbling on those damn white things that crisscrossed over the top to swing loose. 

There were so many blank spaces in his mind, gaps half-filled or completely devoid - except for the last eight years. He knew what an IV did but not what it was called until he’d asked. He remembered words but not meanings or meanings but not words. He knew he liked the color gray but not what his favorite food was. And there was something familiar about Levi, something he couldn’t put his finger on. It chilled him, made him twitchy around the Alpha - what if he’d been in the pits, half-remembered through a daze of rage drugs?  _ I hate this. This is total fucking bullshit _ . 

A knock on the door made him look up and he hesitated for a moment before he opened it, the knob twisting beneath his hand. Levi stood on the other side of the bathroom door, a baffling familiar pensive look on his face. Then again, from what Mike had seen, it was rare that he  _ wasn’t _ scowling or carefully blank-faced. “Ready?” 

“I don’t know,” he mumbled reluctantly, eyes falling down to the shoes. Levi must have glanced down with him because he stepped back and gestured to the bed. “Sit down and watch. I’ll help.” Mike frowned but slipped past Levi and trusted over, mind full of things that collided together so hard he was left breathless. The Alpha waited until he’d settled before he crouched down in front of Mike, his movements carefully slow. He - tied? Tied - the shoes quickly, deftly before he pulled back and nodded to Mike. “I’ll show you exactly how to on the flight back. We might as well start your rehab as soon as possible.” 

“Why? Why not just leave me here to be… looked at?” 

Deep cloudy gray eyes snapped up and pinned Mike in place - no dominance, just determination. “You don’t deserve to be stuck here to be studied. And because you deserve to get your life back. As much as you can anyway.” 

Did his voice waver? Did his jaw clench? Mike wasn’t sure of that and paired with the confusion spurned from the absurd urge to reach out and comfort the Alpha - a weak but still present desire - made his head spin. It didn’t die away when Levi stood and backed away, something flashing in his eyes. If possible it only strengthened, cloying and choking. “C’mon. We’ve got a flight to catch.” 

“A what?” 

“... I’ll explain on the way.” 

It turned out that he knew everything but what ‘flight’ meant, though he had forgotten how massive and terrifying planes could be. He couldn’t remember if he’d ridden one before, just knew by looking at one that he’d almost rather be back in his cell alone than in one of those hunks of metal. They boarded a smaller plane, one big enough for the pilots and ten passengers - though they were the only ones. Mike spent the first thirty minutes with his face pressed to the window as they took off and climbed into the air, too intrigued to listen to the churning in his gut that Levi called anxiety as the buildings and trees dwindled with the distance and height. 

Once they leveled out he turned around, knees tucked into his chest, and studied Levi as the Alpha flicked through a small book. Strong broad shoulders, thickly muscled thighs, a scar visible on his collarbone when his shirt shifted just right. Every now and then his eyes would flick up and catch Mike’s eye and hold it for a moment, conflict raging there as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t, before he looked away again. The silence was unnerving, his strange demeanor and familiarity even more so, and it was enough to drive Mike to speech. “Levi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Where are we going?” 

“Further North. To the country. I rehab people there, get them ready to get back into society after a more serious trauma like fight rings and harems. The house can hold fifteen but now it only has five people including me - you, an Omega called Jean, and two Betas, Nanaba and Petra. If - when they find Armin and Eren they’ll be brought there as well - that’s already been arranged. Sound good?” Mike managed a tiny smile and a nod. Levi nodded as well before he shifted and leaned forward a little. “Good. Question for you now: you had heat suppressants in you. Strong ones. When’s the last time you had a heat?” 

It took a while to think, to reach back through the haze of monotony and fights and drugs to remember. He’d lain for days on that shitty bed of straw and rags, body twisted with need, but Eren had smacked away any Alpha or Beta that had come near, snarling and snapping only to come over and soothe him with gentle touches and croons that would have made him cry if he’d been capable of it. Armin had joined through the hole, faint but calming in a way that Eren’s weren’t. “A long time ago. But after Armin got there. Soon after.” 

“So two and a half years, give or take.” Levi tapped the files by his side, three of them - two thicker than the one on top. Mike Zacharius. Eren Yeager. Armin Arlert. They hadn’t been so hard to find when Mike had remembered their last names, ones that had been whispered to him during his heat as he writhed and wailed. “Means you’re overdue for one by a long time. God knows when you’ll start up again, but if you start to feel feverish or ache do everyone in the house a favor and let someone know. We’ll be able to isolate you to a heat room and get a nurse to take care of you. I might have a lot of self control, but that only extends so far.” 

“Okay.” Levi nodded with a snap of his book as he shut it and exchanged it for the files. Their pictures, paperclipped to the front, stared back at him, different from how he’d thought they’d be, especially Armin. 

He’d seen glimpses of Eren, but not enough to see what a rich brown his choppy hair was and how it had been highlighted with teal, or how his eyes were a bright, bright green, and his face was still a little soft with baby fat and things that the HRT hadn’t fully managed to get rid of before they’d snatched him. And Armin, with his short blond hair and sunny smile and baby blue eyes, utterly different from what he’d imagined, even with the descriptions the Apha had given them. Those pictures, those thoughts, were agonizing reminders, but he craved them desperately, desperate for a reminder that they had been real and not just figments of his imagination. 

“We have to find them.” 

“I know. We’re doing our best. Erwin’s on it and his is the best team out there.” 

“Levi… can you show me how to do the shoe thing?” 

“Yeah.” It took almost twenty minutes for Mike to slowly tie the laces per Levi’s directions without faltering for too long and after that the flight slipped by in silence. They didn’t really speak, just spoke up to ask simple questions about food and drink and time left. Levi didn’t press for any information and Mike didn’t offer any. 

They landed after six hours, two of which Mike paced away, too antsy to sit still and watch the sun set. Levi made him anxious, there was no denying that, but it wasn’t the only thing that made him unsettled. The cleanliness, the smells, the way Levi treated him were all so foreign. Dirt. Filth. Darkness. A heart pumping wildly as bodies collided and snarls or pained screams ripped through the air. Beatings.  _ That _ was what he knew. And everything else was just impossible to wrap his head around. 

Levi drove them straight off the tarmac in a sleek black car and they went through winding roads and dense trees - no, forests as Levi called them - before they pulled off to a road nearly hidden by trees and gloom. “This will help me get back with society? We aren’t even close to it.” 

“Which is good for everyone involved, unless you want to be smack in the middle of a city with no way to cope and no clue how to handle the general public. It takes small steps. One day you’ll be driving to town and getting groceries by yourself like Petra can.” 

“Hn.” Mike frowned and watched the trees blue by, dappling the car with golden light and shadows. The trees slowly thinned out, disappeared, and revealed a broad stretch of land peppered with more trees. The house before them was huge, covered in cobbled gray stones, pristine white siding, and dark wooden beams. Smoke curled from one chimney, lazily drifting up into the air. There was a fence off to one side and wooden buildings - what were they? Houses, but for animals, and not quite houses. “What’re those?” 

“Stables. I keep horses. They’re good therapy animals. And yes, you can see them, but I’ll take you after the tour and dinner.” 

“Okay.” 

By the time they pulled into the garage there were three people on the ‘porch’ - a tall blonde woman, a smaller ginger woman, and a tall guy with ashy hair. Mike let Levi lead the way as he trailed behind, legs stiff and body tensed, ready to flee as he sniffed at the air.  _ Clean _ air, not tainted by rot and decay and disease, or even by the oil and burnt rubber at the airports. The kind of air filled with life. Something he didn’t ever recall smelling before. Their scents were strong, a mixture of fresh and old all over the place, and it made him wary as he crept after Levi. 

“Mr. Levi! Welcome back!” It was the ginger who called out - a Beta - with a soft, cheery voice. The others murmured their greetings, varying degrees of warmth as they eyed him up. The ashy-haired boy must had been Jean - he was the only other Omega present. The ginger and blonde Beta girls looked at him, the ginger with a smile and the blonde with eyes and posture just as wary and stiff as his. When Mike didn’t pry his jaws open to speak - he couldn’t, biting back growls and hostility so much that he was shaking - Levi sighed quietly. 

“This is Mike Zacharius. Petra, can you give him a tour and show him to his room? Nanaba, Jean, help me with dinner.” 

“Okay!” 

“Fine.”

“Why the fuck do I have to help you cook? You don’t  _ need _ help,” Jean snapped as he hugged his arms tighter to his chest, fingers curling into the long sleeves so hard his knuckles were bone white. 

Levi’s eyes were steel and sharp as he stared Jean down, not quite blank but completely unreadable to the Omega. “You know why.” 

Jean blanched and jerked around, his scent rank with distress, but he didn’t flee, just stood there and trembled. 

“Mike,” Petra whispered as she gestured for him to come over, “Come on.” Mike glanced at Levi, but the Alpha only met his eyes for a moment before he shook his head and resumed watching Jean as his shoulders hitched. Mike slowly approached Petra and she led him inside. The floors were light wood, polished until they gleamed beneath the bright ceiling lights. Accents of deep blues and dark colors set off? contrasted?  _ contrasted _ the light. It was open, spacious, full of bright sunlight and things to make it more cozy. Full of strange things too - a big flat black screen, plants that looked vaguely familiar, art halfway recognized. 

“Sorry about that,” Petra murmured as she walked him through the ‘foyer’, “Jean had a slip up the other night. Levi just wants to make sure he’s okay.” 

“Slip up?” 

“It’s not my place to tell.” 

“Ah… Is he okay?” 

“Hopefully… Anyway…” 

She led him through the house and pointed things out, chattered, patiently supplied him with words and descriptions when he couldn’t quite grasp them as they slipped through his fingers like oily little beasts. It took an hour to scope all four floors - the first for general living and needs, the second and third for bedrooms, though Levi’s was on the first floor with explicit rules to not enter, and the basement for exercise on a few machines and storage. 

By the time they’d hit every floor and lingered in Mike’s for a while the scent of food had started to fill the house and Petra led him back downstairs. Jean sat at the kitchen table, his face red and puffy and sleeves pulled down over his hands as he watched Levi and Nanaba shift through the kitchen, the Beta significantly more relaxed than she had been earlier. He barely looked up when they came in, just kept staring blankly at them. 

Nanaba visibly stiffened and her calm scent turned bitter, but at a subtle touch from Levi that Mike almost missed she slowly relaxed and focused on stirring a pot of stew. It was only a few minutes before she turned the stovetop off and Levi pulled a pan of something out of the oven. Petra made drinks - water for Nanaba, Jean and him and tea for herself and Levi. Mike lingered by the doorway, tense and unsure as the Alpha and two Betas set the table, their movements almost… practiced. Easy. 

Levi glanced up at him as they finished, the Betas stilling as well as four pairs of eyes found their way to him. “Mike… come eat.” 

He hesitated for a moment before he crept over, fingers curling and uncurling as he sank to the floor, his back to a cabinet beneath a window, an exit diagonal on either side. They watched each other, eight eyes to two, before someone spoke up. “Mike,” Petra murmured gently as she gestured to the table, big enough for six, “You don’t have to sit on the floor.” 

“I like it.” He didn’t - he  _ hated _ the floor. He’d slept off it, eaten off it - literally sometimes - collapsed onto it, and had been shoved into it more times than he could count in the last eight years. They’d brought him to dinners, showed him off, beaten him anytime he’d neared the table or dared to even look at it unless he was ordered to, just like he was some kind of animal. “I don’t belong up there.” 

They were quiet for a moment, strained and still. Levi set the bowl in his hands down and moved over to crouch in front of him. His eyes were utterly unreadable - weren’t they always? - and his voice was soft. “You’re not there anymore,” he whispered, “You’re here. And here you don’t belong on the floor. You belong at the table.” 

Levi didn’t try to touch him - a good thing. Mike wasn’t certain he could trust his trembling hands to not lash out and force him away. He just used soft words to coax Mike off the floor and into a chair that he perched in, just as uncertain as he had been back in the hospital, as everyone filled their bowls, put the ‘bread’ on their little plates. 

Mike stayed quiet and jiggled his foot on the tile as he ate his food in swift bites, careless of burning his tongue and barely tasting it. Occasionally he froze and bit back growls - sometimes successful, sometimes not - when eyes found him. He was still used to food being stolen, to being thrown to the ground as his meager portion was devoured. The Omega didn’t add anything to the conversation either, just listened to Nanaba and Petra talk about their online college courses while Jean occasionally asked a few quiet questions for his own courses - high school ones. Something that made Mike’s gut curdle with bitterness. 

He sat there when his bowl was empty with hands twitching in his lap as he watched them chatter easily and rise or reach for more as his stomach ached to get more of his own. But no, there were no seconds, there never were, not for cell rats like him. He didn’t deserve them, not when he was just barely better than the filth on the floor. 

Mike jerked when Nanaba reached over, grabbed his bowl, and stood. She didn’t say a word, just walked over to the pot, poured some more into his bowl, and set it back down in front of him. A moment of hesitancy, a prickle in his eyes. He reached forward and slowly tugged it closer as he glanced at her from beneath his eyelashes. 

“Thank you.” 

The Beta shrugged and simply went back to eating her own with slow, careful sips that Mike mimicked after a moment, finally tasting the rich blend of food rather than simply inhaling it. 

They finished dinner near eight and Levi pulled Mike aside and led him outside to walk through the warm night air to the fence, their steps purposely slow. “Mike,” he said, voice cutting through the quiet, “Whatever happened there does  _ not _ apply here. You can have as much food and drink as you want. You can sit at the table. You can speak. I know it’ll take a while to get that shit out of your head - that’s why you’re here. I’m just letting you know.” 

“Okay.” But the words still sounded like lies, utterly unbelievable. 

Levi unlocked the gate and let them into the field. “We sometimes stable them at night and since it’s supposed to rain they’re already in. In a few days we’ll start you on chores with Petra or Jean - partly so they can watch you and ensure you do things right and that you’re okay. Your medication will arrive tomorrow - take it or I force you to. You’ll have another psych evaluation by Dr. Hanji in a week to see how you’re settling in and progressing and from there we can work out therapy appointments. Apart from that, just follow the rules and you can stay. And…” He shook his head before he tapped the wooden door of the barn and pulled it open. T

he scent was familiar, overwhelmingly so, as dirt and rocks crunched beneath their feet. “What’s that smell?” 

“Hay. And horse shit. They-” 

“I know.” He couldn’t explain it, not even to himself, but he  _ knew _ . Mike dragged behind Levi, slow as he soaked everything in. Dust in the air. Bales? Yes, bales of hay along the wall. Wheelbarrows, tools, leads, halters. The words spilled into his mind and he couldn’t help but mutter them as he soaked everything in with a sense of awe squeezing his heart until it thundered frantically in his chest. 

Fingers brushed his hand and he recoiled, a snarl burning from his lips as he leapt back a few steps, scent flooding through the air. Levi didn’t move, just watched him with a strange almost  _ pained _ twist to his mouth as he watched Mike freeze in place, staring with wide, hostile eyes before he slowly loosened up. “You good?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Good. Then I’ll show you our other residents.” He gestured to his right as a large black head poked out and swung over to Mike, showing off a patch of white hair dappling the other side of it’s face before it turned back to Levi and nuzzled the Alpha, clearly searching for a treat that Levi readily produced - a carrot - as he stroked the horse’s forehead. “This is Black Lightning - ex racehorse. Go on, pet him - he won’t bite. Usually. He isn’t too fond of Erwin though.” Mike pressed his hand to the warm cheek as the horse sniffed, huge nose twitching as he patiently let Mike rub along his jaw before he pulled back, breathless with a strange excitement. 

He wasn’t so wary when Levi led him further in, gesturing to the horses and pausing to feed them an apple slice or carrot and allow Mike to stroke their manes or let them mouth at his hand. “This is an Arabian - her name’s Anastasia. She’s a jumper. We got her when her owners died. John Locke and Isaac Newton - I don’t even fucking want to start on them - but they’re trail horses. Locke’s the Clydesdale, Newton’s the Andalusian. Totally bombproof. I advise riding them first if you want to ride any of them. This is a Falabella - Hanji insisted on calling him Prince Charming. Probably because of the mane. 

“And this one… she’s a Poitevin,” he gestured to the last horse as they reached it, his voice dropping and roughening with something Mike couldn’t place, but it made him twitch, instincts aching to reach out and hug him.  _ Why? _

He looked at the horse instead, a gray and white-spotted head leaning out against the door but she completely ignored Levi and turned to Mike instead, peering at him with big, sweet black eyes. Mike felt his stomach plummet right out of him as his heart shuddered to a stop, breath catching in his throat. 

“Sophie?” 

The name burned off his tongue, made him twitch and flinch back, confusion pulsing through him. She nickered at him and shoved her head toward him, demanding love, affection,  _ him _ . He helplessly lurched forward and cradled her head, jaw loose and eyes wide as they burned. He  _ remembered _ her, much smaller and younger than now, but she was that same gray horse with the white left ear flashed through his silent memories, no explanation to be found within them. “She’s yours,” Levi murmured quietly as he watched Mike nuzzle her cheek, arms folded tight over her chest. “You remember her?” 

“Barely.” 

“Better than nothing.” 

“How’d you get her?” 

“It’s amazing, the things I can arrange.” 

Mike managed a weak smile as he buried his face into Sophie’s neck for a long time before he pulled back, eyes a little damp. She nickered at him again and mouthed at his hand until he wrapped her in one more hug before he reluctantly trailed after Levi back to the house, silence hanging between them. He didn’t try to fill it, just let it hang and flinched when their hands brushed and set warmth surging through his arm. 

They only exchanged a nod before they went their separate ways, Levi to join the other occupants of the house, Mike to his room. He spent the rest of the evening studying the lawn, drenched in dying sunlight as dark clouds steadily drank it all up until it was dark. Only then did he turn to his room. Bare. Cold. His. A strange concept. He barely slept that night and when he did it was filled with Eren and Armin’s cries. And the wails of another he couldn’t recognize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update guys, I've been sick with bronchitis and some other crap so I've been pretty exhausted, but I'm updating finally! TLAA should be seeing one too later  
> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night/existence!


	4. Chapter 4

Eren let them shove him into another fight, body tense and veins pumping drugs and adrenaline through him, turning sensations fuzzy, noises distant, and smells faint. He could barely feel them shoving on the catch pole, urging him to stagger faster on feet that no longer ached. He snarled and snapped at them but quickened his pace anyway, all too aware of the threat of the jolts of electricity that could course through his body at any moment. 

Blood. Booze. Excitement and rage so strong it painted his tongue and overwhelmed the film of drugs - and it made him jittery with the rush of blood that pumped through his ears, relentless. 

He  _ needed _ to feel bones crunch, to have Alphas lying at his feet, snarling and bleeding and baring their necks in reluctant, pitiful submission. To an  _ Omega _ . A distant part of him ached with the wrongness of it all, reaching out to the feral, tainted part of his mind in a desperate, pitiful attempt to soothe. It failed to work, never did, and he let those basic instincts take over - the ones that kept injured Alphas and young offspring safe thousands of years ago. The ones that had led to slaughters at terrified or enraged Omegan hands. 

The cheers rose, grew louder, a cacophony that made his ears ring, coupled with a scent what whipped him into a frenzy, snarling and lunging against the wire around his neck as spit flew and gathered at his lips. “Open it up. Let ‘em get a look.” Gears ground together, creaking and groaning as the heavy wooden gate rose. They shoved him into the pit and released the wire around his neck, leaving him to rise to his feet, panting and growling as the crowd roared. 

“Show us what you got, Omega!” 

“Rip their throats out!” 

“Why  don’t you just go back to the harem where you belong? I’d like to fuck that tight pussy of yours!” 

He snapped towards the direction of the last voice before he dug his toes into the dirt-covered floor, hands clenching. He needed blood, needed to hear bones cracking and let out that feral, crazed laugh of his.  _ Something, anything _ to make the damn pounding sense of danger in his head go away and let his body cool, relax. 

A gate opened up with a groan and a snarl rumbled out of his throat as two Betas - both doped up with the same shit as him - and an Alpha were shoved in. Eren bared his teeth in a wild grin as the Alpha sauntered in, just barely holding the Betas back. Some people wanted to escape the pits. And then there were some people like that bastard who  _ reveled _ in the bloodshed they brought - because they were certain of their victories. The Alpha grinned at him, the lilt to his lips dangerous, cocky as he tugged on the Betas. “Come on, Omega bitch. Let’s see what you’ve got.” 

The Betas lunged out from beneath the Alpha’s hands, their eyes dark with bloodlust and jaws dripping with spit. Eren met them with a bone-chilling shriek and grabbed one by the neck and wrenched him down as he kicked the other way with a solid foot to the gut. The one in his arms howled and scrabbled at his arms, nails biting in, but he didn’t feel a damn thing. Just wrapped one arm tight around the blond Beta’s neck and squeezed tight. 

He only felt a tiny twinge of pain when the other Beta, a ginger, scrabbled to his feet and darted in again and his  teeth buried into Eren’s forearm and he released the Beta  squirming weakly in his arms to slam the other Beta in the nose. The ginger staggered back, dark blood pouring out and painting the floor red as he shook his head and blinked, dazed. 

Eren howled, cocked his head at a thump, turned as the Alpha slammed into him and drove him to the ground. Dirt filled his mouth - tasted faintly of blood and piss and gods knew what else. The Alpha straddled his hips and wrenched his head back by his hair with a vicious grin. “Be a good Omega bitch and submit, little girl,” he hissed as he leaned close, sharp nails biting into Eren’s scalp. 

Eren howled and thrashed and lunged back, slammed his head straight into the Alpha’s jaw as raw, dark-red rage flooded his vision, choked him on the taste of copper - his blood. The Alpha’s grip loosened just enough and Eren twisted with a hiss as hair ripped from his scalp, and he threw himself forward. 

His teeth closed around the Alpha’s neck, his pulse throbbing away frantically and the reek of fear pumping from his glands as Eren bit down. Blood pumped into his mouth, coated his tongue as flesh split and a guttural groan left the Alpha’s throat. Hands smacked at his back, clawed his shirt to shreds, but he paid it no mind. There was no pain,  _ nothing _ but fury. 

_ Don’t call me that don’t call me that don’t call me that don’t call me that! _

He closed his teeth and jerked away, blood spraying and flesh hanging from his teeth as the Alpha crumpled to the ground, eyes rolled back and face pallid and stained red, his fingers still grasping, twitching. 

Stilling. 

Blur. 

Everything was a blur as he slammed one Beta, the ginger, to the ground, and spat the chunk of the Alpha’s neck into his face as he brought his hands together and smashed them down onto his chest. An arm snapped and agonized screams filled the air, his ears, made everything ring and vibrate and shake wildly. Ribs went next and then wet gurgles filled the air, sweet music to his frenzied ears. The claws, the teeth meant nothing as he drove the blows into the Beta’s chest until he ceased to move and he staggered up, blood dripping down his arms and from his cheek, smeared across him. The other Beta prowled around the edge of the ring, wary of Eren. 

_ Good. _

He wiped his face, stained with hot and wet liquid - blood and tears when he spared a glance at his arms. The Omega didn’t ponder over it, didn’t care to. Not as he stalked over to the Beta, a mantra pounding in his head with every step. 

_ Defend. Defend. Defend. _

They slammed together with horrid screeches and harsh hands as the Beta threw himself in, aiming for his neck, teeth clicking frantically. Eren smashed his mouth with a brutal fist and teeth hit the floor. The Beta staggered back and Eren leapt on him, dragged him to the ground and wrapped an arm around his neck. Nails in his arms. Heels smashed into his chin. He just dug in harder until the struggles weakened, disappeared, and he kicked the Beta away with a snarl. 

_ Die die die! Don’t call me that don’t call me that! _

He kicked the Beta again and glared up at the ground, heart pounding against his ribs like it was ready to break out as blood oozed and tears streamed down his cheeks, the only thing he could truly feel. Money passed between hands, catcalls came down from above. 

“You sure you want her teeth ‘round your cock, Zeke?” 

Eren spat out muscle and globs of blood as he whipped to the source, darted after it, slammed into the wall of the pit with a wavering, hoarse scream as he clawed at the wall.  _ I’ll rip your throat out! Kill you! Break your bones! _

His nails bit into the stone, clawed until blood welled up beneath his fingers. A wire closed around his neck, ripped him away from the wall and cut off his air. They dragged him from the pit, shocked him more than once, shoved his weakening body and forced him to go faster every time he stumbled until they finally threw him into his cell, locked him up as he lay there, sprawled on the ground and growling, the pressure on his neck too much. 

The second they left him  he jerked up, wild snarls curling his lips as he slammed against the walls and screamed, a wild animal.  _ Let me out get me out get me out! _ His skin burned and he scored vibrant reds down his flesh, reopening wounds so fresh, lazy streams of blood could pump out. All the while his limbs weakened until they finally gave out and he crumpled, body limp on the filthy ground, his ragged breathing all that was left to him. His mind slowly returned to him, bringing with it  _ everything _ . The ache in his throat from all those howls. The sting of strips of torn flesh and bitemarks. The dull throb from where heavy fists had smashed into him and the sharper pain from where he’d broken his big toe again. The taste of blood, so thick that he couldn’t escape it. It made his stomach churn and twist. 

Eren managed to force himself up onto uncooperative limbs and made a wobbly path as far away from his bed as he could before he collapsed and heaved, bile and blood splattered the ground as he retched and retched again until he was dry heavy, weak curled of agony and pain throbbing through him as tears tracked through the blood and dirt and vomit that smeared his face. He dragged an equally filthy hand across his face, smearing the fluids more and making his stomach lurch again. 

With his threadbare scraps of energy he crawled over to Tall’s space and into his shitty bed. His scent was almost gone, hadn’t been refreshed in - how long  _ had _ it been? A lot of fights, that much was certain. “Probably dead…” But at least that meant that he’d gotten out of it somehow. He wasn’t trapped in Hell anymore. 

_ Wait _ . 

Eren stirred weakly, eyes wide open as he stared at the dark ceiling. He had the knife, a little dull, but it was still good enough. If he hit the right spot… He could kill them both, himself and Armin, and they’d finally be  _ free _ . A rough laugh bubbled off his lips, mirthless as he wheezed.  _ I go through ten years of transphobic hell and didn’t try and now I want to. Fuck. _ When he touched his cheeks they were damp with hot, furious tears that cut through the dried blood and burned into the cut on his cheek. “So tired…” 

Metal scraped at the cell door and he flinched back weakly, no strength to move as it swung open - in the cell behind him he realized after a moment. “Here you go, blondie.” 

_ Armin _ . 

Eren heaved himself onto his weak hands and knees and crawled over to the hole, every inch of his body aching already. They’d hit him more than he’d realized. he collapsed onto the pile of bedding and shoved his hand through. A moment later Armin gently picked it up, gentle fingers brushing across his scraped knuckles. Not harsh hits and brutal forms of abuse to cause pain. Gentleness. Like he wasn’t a monster who’d torn out more throats than he could count. Eren curled in on himself, shuddering with quiet sobs as Armin clutched his hand and whispered through the hole to him. 

“Eren, Eren, it’s okay. Breathe for me, okay? You’re okay, I promise. I’m here, right here.” 

Those soft words only made him sob harder, tears streaming down his cheeks as he pressed closer to that stone wall, aching to breach the boundary and be held by that blond Alpha. To be weak and let someone else be strong for him. “Don’t wanna die, Ar… J-just want Tall… Wanna… wanna be  _ home _ .” 

“We’ll get there,” Armin rasped in the quiet as he clutched at Eren’s hand, “I promise.” 

“Maybe… but we won’t be the same… I’m not an Omega, Armin. I’m not a fucking  _ Omega _ . What kind of Omega rips throats out?” 

“You  _ are _ an Omega,” Armin breathed, firmer than before. “Being an Omega doesn’t mean being weak. It means being strong in your own way - and this is the way you have to be strong. The same with me. You have to kill men. I have to get fucked. We’re being strong because we’re  _ surviving _ . And one day we’ll get out of here - we’ll leave.” 

Eren nodded, unseen, and sniffed. it took a while for his tears to dry, for rough sobs to fade and the curls of anger to disappear as he sniffed. He pressed his head close to the hole and Armin tangled his fingers into his hair, running them through sweat and blood crusted strands. A soft croon filled the air at some point, soothing and sweet and rich as Armin traced his cheeks, pushed his hair back, soothed him. Eren managed to croon back as his cheeks dried and he sagged into the touch, their quiet croons melding together as God knew how many minutes ticked by them. 

And then a lock turned. 

His own cell door swung open with a loud creak. Eren scrambled back, fear lending him energy and wiping away the pain as his teeth set into another bitter snarl. Armin clutched his arm, both of them silent. 

The cell door shut quietly and a tall Alpha slipped through the light, a box in his hand. Armin snarled, a startling, quiet sound as he squeezed his arm tighter but Armin didn’t dare make another sound. The Alpha halted a few meters away, a soothing scent oozing out of him as he held his hands up. “Don’t worry, Omega. I’m here to help. I’m the doctor.” 

Eren gave a faint hiss, fingers clenching against his thighs. “I don’t want your help. Go the fuck away.” 

“I think,” the Alpha whispered as he sank into a crouch and set the box down, “You’ll like the help I have to offer.” 

“Bullshit!” he spat as his heart started to pump adrenaline through his veins and muscles started to coil. Still, he didn’t think his body would move, even if he wanted it too. The drugs took too much out of him, always did. The Alpha didn’t creep closer, just stayed in place and let his soft scent wreathe around Eren until he sighed. “Whatever. Get it over with.” 

“Thank you,” the Alpha breathed, relief dripping from the syllables as he edged closer and clicked on a light that blinded Eren for a moment before he hummed and dropped the beam to rummage through the box. 

“Good. Eren Yeager, right? Is Armin Arlert on the other side?” 

Both of them froze, nails biting savagely into flesh as they clutched at each other, scents spiking. “I’m not here to reveal anything to those assholes,” the Alpha grumbled as he set things down - bottles of water, containers, medicine. “Doing that would hinder me. I’m trying to help. Now shut up, rub this medicine in, and listen to me. Armin?” 

“... Yes?” the Alpha growled warily as he shuffled a little closer. The Alpha shifted closer, that soothing scent still pouring out. Armin let out a soft snarl but didn’t move. The Alpha slowly moved his arm, set a bottle of water in the hole, then a container, and Armin warily slipped his hand out and pulled both onto his side. “What-” 

“It’s food. I need you both to be strong. You two are my priority now. One of them anyway.” Eren’s fingers trembled as he tugged on the lid, focused on the Alpha’s voice. The adrenaline had drained, leaving him even emptier than before, and the Alpha sighed. His shoes scraped on the floor as he edged closer and touched Eren. The Omega flinched back, bit his lip, forced himself not to move when the Alpha spoke. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Eren, here. Eat. I’ll help.” 

His fingers were rugged but warm as he tucked one of the Omega’s arms close and pressed a plastic container into his other. Eren almost didn’t realize the medicine was open until it touched his skin, cold and faintly bitter. He paid no mind to the sensation - he was too tired to fight for once, and what did it matter if he killed them? It would be a boon - and just let the Alpha work as he pried the other container’s lid off. 

A roll of bread. Dried meat. Something green - another sniff revealed them to be green beans. He almost broke out into renewed sobs of relief as he slowly bit in, desperate to savor each bite. For a too-short while only the sound of chewing and soft hums passed between them as he and Armin ate while the Alpha rubbed the salve into his skin. The areas went numb, blissfully so, and Eren’s breaths grew easier with every ache that fell away. 

He watched with idle, dull fascination as the cool green cream was spread across his skin and slowly rubbed in until none remained and the Alpha finished with a quiet hum, eyes critical in the faint light that caught his face. Blue eyes. Short blond hair parted down the middle. A military set to his face and jaw - rigid, controlled, collected. Nameless and unknown.  _ Why is he helping us? _ But he didn’t voice it, jaw too busy working slowly on the strips of dried meat and bread and the green beans to bother with questions. 

And then Armin finished, reached out, set the container down, and brushed Eren’s knee with his fingers. “Why? Who are you? What do you mean by ‘we’re your priority’? Where exactly are we? What-” 

“Hold on, damn! One at a time. Me - I’m Farlan Church. I’m with the Survey Corps - an undercover worker who infiltrates illegal harems and fight rings. And I’m here to prepare you for your rescue. Well, actually, I’m here to bring this shit hole down to the ground, but you two and the other prisoners are bonuses. And specifically, you two are particularly important.” 

One breath. Two. Eren’s heart lurched in his chest and he grabbed at Armin’s arm, clutching it with everything he had. “Why… why are we so important? How do you even know us?” 

Farlan rocked back onto his heels, a small smile curling his mouth and casting shadows across his face. “We have your friend. Mike. Tall. He’s safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got sick again, had to get an xray, and am back on meds... but we don't know what I've got. I've also been stressing about college, and I'm planning on coming out to my parents so eeey fun stuff. But anyways, I'm back, and hopefully this'll be the last time for the next few updates that I'll be late :'D  
> -  
> Please leave comments - they make me thrive ;3  
> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night/existence!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end notes.

“How long until you can launch a strike?” 

_ “Two weeks if we’re lucky. Farlan’s almost done but they’ve tightened up security - found a defector last week. Apparently they cut off his fingers and toes first. Just be patient, Big Bro. He’s working hard, you know that.” _

“I  _ am _ patient, and I know.” She of all people should have known that. After eight years of throwing himself into work, desperate to find Mike but all too aware that dwelling wouldn’t help, that patience had finally paid off. Almost.  _ But he’s here. At least he’s here. He’s alive, he’s safe. He’ll be okay _ . “Good. Alright, the residents will be waking up soon. Good luck Iz. Tell Farlan I said hey.” 

_ “You too Levi. And I’ll let him know. He loves you too.” _

Levi rolled his eyes and let his hand drop as he pressed closer to the windowpane, eyes seeking out the world beyond the thick early morning mist that swamped the land. Searching for something, anything, that could answer all the damn questions that spun around throughout his head, an uncontrollable maelstrom. “Why you? Why’d it have to be you?” Because life was a bitch that liked to gut the people she beared. 

Levi sighed and slowly peeled himself away from the window. The day was bound to be interesting. Mike’s first full day. A visit with Hanji. Medications.  _ I have to start teaching him how to read again _ .  _ I have to do a lot of things _ .

* * *

 

Mike crawled out of bed with bleary eyes, exhaustion weighing heavy on his shoulders. He could still smell the blood,  _ taste _ it even, its coppery weight heavy on his tongue as he licked his lips and pushed his hair back with a shudder.  _ I hope sleeping pills are in the mix _ . Anything would be welcome to calm his wild mind, even alcohol with that bitter, disgusting taste that he vaguely remembered. Or had it been sweet? More than one kind, more than one flavor. Quips like “The next is always better than the one before”. Too much in his mind yet too little. A thousand questions and not a single damn answer. 

_ Levi knows something. He’s holding back information - but what? _ He couldn’t begin to guess - didn’t want to. Those deep gray eyes had haunted him enough between being awake and dreams - memories - of the pits. And their weight felt  _ familiar _ , startlingly so - and that unnerved him. Almost more than the strange desire to touch him.  _ He’s familiar. I don’t know why or how, but he is. And I want to fucking know _ . 

The Omega sighed and scrubbed his face with one hand before he slowly slid out of the bed, impossibly soft after sleeping on moldy straw and a hard floor for so many years. He found a pair of pants -  _ sweatpants _ \- in one of the drawers and tugged them on with a faint smile at the soft fabric. The shirt was an after-thought; he was too used to tattered shorts being his only protection from sharp nails and sharper teeth. 

He crept downstairs on quiet feet,  pausing when there was a soft snore from behind door, a cough from Petra’s. It wasn’t a surprise when he caught the scent of coffee melding with Levi’s. Mike followed it, let them draw him into the kitchen with it’s sun-warmed floors and early-morning light. 

Levi glanced up from his cup and newspaper and nodded as Mike stilled by the door, uncertain. It felt like…  _ fuck, what is that word? _ When something felt like it had happened before - it was familiar like that.  _ But Levi’s too cold _ . The thought startled him and he twitched, fingers tightening by his sides as they eyed each other. “Morning,” he managed after a moment. 

“Mm,” Levi grunted as he took another sip and settled his elbow on the knee drawn into his chest. “Mornings suck ass. Coffee?” 

“I don’t know.” He couldn’t recall if he liked it. Couldn’t understand why his instincts urged him to step forward and wrap Levi in a tight, reassuring hug, even as they demanded he keep his distance. To run. To break something. To scream until there was nothing left but emptiness. 

Cool gray eyes inspected him for a moment before Levi rose, feline grace in every move. Every sound was too loud and made Mike flinch and set him more on edge as Levi quietly moved through the kitchen. It only took a few moments for Levi to set a mug on the table, curls of steam rising up with a fairly pleasant smell. When Mike failed to move to sit and take the mug Levi eased closer and pressed it into his hand, careful not to touch - like he was something fragile - before he picked up his own and sank to the floor, hand cupped over the top. Had he been holding it that way the night before? Mike didn’t think so.  _ Nervous tick maybe? _

Mike hesitated for a second or two before he sank down as well, the edge of a cabinet biting into his back. Good. Grounding. The coffee was a little bitter on his tongue but buried beneath sweetness and something else 

“Hazelnut and vanilla creamer,” Levi murmured after another sip of his own. 

“It’s good” Mike mumbled. The warmth coursed through his chest and made him sag a little, limbs loosening as they sipped quietly at the steaming liquid. It was calm. Disturbingly so. 

His lips parted but Levi cut him off, eyes focused on him yet an impossible distance away. “Your medicine is here. I’ll walk you through it so you’ll know what to take and when. I don’t like  to baby you guys and I trust that you can take your medicine responsibly. Dr. Hanji will be here in a few hours to get their own evaluation and determine how rigorous your therapy should be. Then I’ll get you started on reading again. You can start chores at the end of the week.” 

“Okay.” Levi finished off his drink and rose with a soft sigh. “I’m going to see if the others are awake.” 

Mike hummed and watched Levi go before he curled in tighter and pressed the mug to his chest. A thump. He twitched. Shuddered.  _ Blood welled beneath his hand as he pressed in, harder and harder, until the _ \- He gasped, pressed his hand to his face. One breath. Two.  _ No. No no no no _ . But the pitiful dam he’d tried to construct the night before was shoddy, and it crumbled easily as another thump made him twitch, as his heart pumped harder in his chest.

Armin. Eren. The pits. Flashes of teeth. Blood under his nails, in his mouth. Split lips, cracking bones. A hand on his shoulder, just a brush of fingertips. He whipped around with a vicious snarl, heart pounding as the mug smashed to the floor. His hand closed around a slender wrist, bent it back as he shoved the person backwards, everything blurred, muddled. 

_ Don’t wanna die don’t wanna die. _

“M-Mike! Mike, p-please! Let go!  _ Mike _ !” 

His snarls choked off as the scent of terrified submission flooded his nose, so sharp it burned. Mike blinked, things slowly clearing, resetting themselves. Petra cowered beneath him, back pressed flat to a cabinet as tears streamed down her pale cheeks. 

Pain. 

Terror. 

Mike flung himself back, shards and liquid beneath his feet as he choked on words too big for his mouth, on air toxic to his lungs, his body wracked with tremors. A head of blond hair, the pure dominating scent of Alpha. Mike’s head snapped from side to side, confused snarls ripping out of him as his instincts collided -  _ submit or fight, submit or fight. Or die _ . 

“Mike, calm down, dammit! Take a deep break for me, okay? Just one breath.” 

Couldn’t, he  _ couldn’t  _ . Too many scents, too much sound, too much, too much,  _ too much _ . 

Mike shoved his way out, nails biting into his arms as he wrestled with the urge to shove them away as he pushed, eyes unseeing. Stumbling steps, cool damp grass, hard gravel, sharp hay edges. He vaulted over the little wooden door, the musky scent of horse flooding his nose. Sophie started as he landed but didn’t hesitate to press her nose to his head as he curled up in the corner, trembling and gasping. 

Blood. Violence. Bites. Throats torn out. Corpses on the ground.  _ Stop stop stop! _ Mike dug his fingers into his head, bit his tongue to try and quell it all.  _ I hurt her. She just wanted to help and I hurt her. I’ll never come back from this. Never. This is stupid. Hopeless.  _

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, hunched in on himself and ripping into his mind, trying to smash everything into silence as Sophie nuzzled him, until quiet footsteps reached him through the daze. The latch unlocked, the stall door swung open. “Mike.” 

“Go away,” he rasped. 

“Yeah right,” Levi muttered as he sank on the other side of the stall, posture relaxed and easy.  _ How can he be like that? I’m a killer. I’m a fucking monster _ . A minute of silence filled only with their breathing and the shuffling of horses in the other stalls slipped by before either of them spoke. “She’s alright, you know. Just spooked. Everyone’s okay. Except  _ you _ .” 

There were rivulets of blood streaking his arms from where he’d dug his fingers in. On his feet from the shards. “I’m okay.” He was numb anyway; he couldn’t feel a damn thing. 

Levi sighed and held out his hand, gestured to the walls around them. “No, you aren’t. These stables are small, only have one entrance. Reminds you of your cell, doesn’t it? It’s all you remember after all.” Mike flinched, the truth stinging more than he’d expected, and Levi marched on with his words, sharp yet gentle. “Those marks? Also not good. You can’t use pain to control yourself, not in the long run. I’ve sent more than one or two somewhere more equipped to handle those habits. There’s already one problem resident. Don’t make it two.” 

The Omega huffed but he sagged a little, peeled away from the wall a little and sat up. But he couldn’t look away from Levi, holding that silvery gaze with dominance and agitation flashing through those gray eyes before Levi crushed it, the emotions never entering his scent. “Levi?” 

The Alpha cocked his head to the side, waited patiently for Mike to go on. He sighed, shifted, glanced at Sophie, then back to Levi, his eyes drawn to the Alpha. “How’d you get her?” 

His eyes flickered, hands clenched. “I just did. She was for sale.” 

Mike’s lips curled back as his hands balled up into fists. Lying. Levi was  _ lying _ . He didn’t give a fuck how he knew it, he just  _ did _ .  He wanted to know, wanted to reach out and take Levi by the shoulders and shake him and bury his face into his neck and -  _ and what? What do I want to do? _ Mike bit his tongue as Levi’s scent flared but Mike didn’t balk. “How come you seem familiar?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe you knew someone like me before all this shit.” 

“ _ Stop lying _ !” Mike snarled as he surged up, head pounding, heart slamming against his ribs. “Just stop! Tell me the fucking truth! I deserve that much!” 

Levi’s scent spiked to match his but almost instantly plummeted as he rose as well, dwarfed by Mike - but he had the faint idea that height wouldn’t matter at all when it came to the Alpha. Something flashed across his face too fast to understand as he nodded, slow and jerky. “You do.” 

“Then tell me.” He rasped as he gestured helplessly to the space around them, the rage abruptly gone. “Tell me what you know. Everything. I need to know… I don’t know who  _ I _ am. I’m Tall, but I’m not. I’m someone else, someone I don’t know. So just… just tell me. Do you know me?” 

Levi sagged against the wall, lips curling in a wry smile as the pain finally etched its path across his face, just for a second. It was gone just as quick as it had come, left Mike even more confused than before. “I don’t know you. And I can’t do much until we can get some files. So c’mon. Let’s go back. Hanji’ll be here soon.” Mike glared at Levi for a moment before he nodded slowly. He ran his hand along Sophie’s nose before he followed Levi with dragging, aching feet. 

Hanji turned out to be a young individual with long brown hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and thick glasses and a soft plaid shirt. They - that had been a polite demand on Hanji’s part and Mike had merely nodded with an “Of course” - hugged the other residents before they peered at Mike. Something about their expression felt fake, like it had been carefully constructed. 

“Mike, are you ready?” 

“No.” 

“Don’t worry, no one ever is. Come along.” 

He had no concept of time anymore but he knew how to read it - it was the longest hour of his life, even with the frequent fights and the endless hours of lying on his back to stare at the ceiling and wondering when they’d come for him next, who he was. Running through names and words and slowly working things out that all too often slipped away after a few fights. 

Hanji barely pressed, just offered some comments to guide him and only questioned when they felt the need - mostly for elaboration. Going over what he remembered before the pits was easy: glimpses of a blonde Omega - his mother; the scent of tea and vanilla with a flash of black and gray; lurching up from cold metal seats - bleachers - and screaming as people in blue and black darted down a field; minor things that couldn’t tell him shit. And then they asked about the pits. 

“Mike… can you talk to me about your time while you were there? Imprisoned I mean. You don’t have to, but many patients find it cathartic to talk about.” 

“What’s that word mean. The c-word. Cah…” 

“Cathartic?” 

“Yeah.” 

Hanji smiled and pulled the pen from between their lips as they settled back a little deeper into their chair with a smile. “Cathartic, derived from the Greek word  _ kathartikos _ , meaning ‘fit for cleansing; purgative’. It means to find relief by expressing things - your emotions, feelings, problems. It doesn’t necessarily have to be spoken either. Some people use writing as their flow point for emotions. Others use art. Some people talk. You merely have to find what works for you.” 

Mike’s brow furrowed and he hummed as he nodded, eyes unfixed from Hanji. He almost missed the Beta’s smile, the way they leaned forward. “You like horses. Try with them. Maybe that will be  _ your _ catharsis.” 

They rolled their sleeves up with a cheery grin and reached for some papers, some notes. Mike watched their hands as they rummaged - then their arms. Thick, faint white lines in what seemed like every direction from wrist to elbow, and probably even further. 

Mike’s stomach twisted. 

_ “It's all I have.” He wanted to throw up. _

“Alright Mike, let's see what we've got here!” 

Hanji only kept him there for a little longer when they realized their questions weren’t getting anywhere. When Mike left he didn’t feel better per say, but he did feel a little different. Like the ache in his chest had eased a little and his thoughts weren’t quite as muddled, even if just for a short while. 

He passed Jean on his way out, an anxious scent curling off the Omega but he stepped past anyway with a muted greeting and a tiny smile. Shy. He wasn’t sure about Mike and he wasn’t certain about the Omega either. But he could smell blood on him, faint and dried but still there. It made his stomach curdle to try and imagine why the scent clung to the smaller Omega like the reek of rot had clung to Mike for so fucking long. 

He drifted through the house in a vague daze, uncertain. He wasn’t sure how to react to half the things that had been thrown in his face in the last few days. Wasn’t sure he wanted to. Part of him wanted to curl back up in a dank, dark cell - it was comfort, it was what he  _ knew _ .  _ No. I can’t go back there. I’m never going back to a place like that. _ But there was the dark solitude of the -  _ his _ room. 

Mike dragged his fingers through his hair, a little more purpose to his feet as he drifted through the halls. Levi's scent abruptly slammed into him as he turned onto his hall. The Alpha lounged by his door, his cell in his hand as he tapped away at it. His eyes snapped up when Mike stilled and he nodded as he pocketed his phone and straightened up. “You ready to hit the books?” 

Mike had to bite back a wail. He just wanted to hit the lights, crawl under the bed, and huddle in the comforting touch of darkness. But he reluctantly trailed after Levi to the first floor and into the study beside Levi's room. It was a simple room with dark furnishings and lighter gold and blue accents and bookshelves laden with books. A few had been pulled out - or maybe they were new. The slender, colorful books didn't look like they belonged amidst the tomes on the shelves. 

Levi gestured to one of the couches as he sank into the chair across. He hesitantly picked his way across the room and perched on the edge of the couch, the coffee table between them. His shoulders had gone tight at some point, his heart fluttery. Fingers were tight on his knees as he studied Levi with pursed lips. The Alpha held his gaze and an itch budded in the back of Mike’s skull, grew until he had to drag his eyes away with a quiet snarl. “Fucking Alphas…” 

Levi merely shrugged before he leaned forward and pushed the stack of books closer to Mike. “I don’t care how much you remember, I’ll explain it anyway.” He tapped them as he went, voice low and thick with something Mike couldn’t place - then again, that was the case with a lot of things as of late. 

“This one here is a letter book. It helps kindergarteners learn their letters and how to make them. I want you to fill this book and practice - I’ll provide paper and pencils. This one gives you basic words and helps you put together sentences. Each one gets a little more complex. Once you finish this one and I think you’re halfway decent I’ll give you some books - nothing too complex. When you’re comfortable with those you can proceed at your own pace. Just clean up your writing. If you have any questions come to one of us. We’ll be able to help. That good?”

“Yeah.” 

“Good. Remember the alphabet?” 

“Yes.” 

“Excellent. Recite it for me.” 

Mike frowned at the Alpha but gritted out the letters anyway, tongue curling around the sounds and eyes scrunching as he fought to dredge up some idea of what they looked like. ‘A’  through ‘H’ he could recall easily, as well as ‘m’ through ‘x’, but that was it. And cursive? He barely remembered what it even meant writing-wise. 

Levi remained on the other side - for his sake, Mike idly realized after a while - as he flipped the letters book open and rolled a pen over to Mike. With that in his hand and his eyes trained on the pages it was easy to let go of most of his tension, to relax a little as he traced the letters and then made surprisingly neat copies of his own out to the side. 

They managed to get through to ‘U’ before Levi raised his hand and Mike jerked back, lips curled up to show deadly teeth as he snapped the pencil in two. His heart slammed against his ribs, frantic and panicked as he coiled in on himself, waiting for the fragile tether to snap. Levi eyed him, his own body tense but his scent calm as he slowly raised his hands, murmured something that made Mike’s eye twitch. That peaceful scent slipped through his shell, wormed through the cracks and caught ahold of him - backed him down from a too-high precipice of calamity to a state of… unease, almost calm. 

They finished the lesson half an hour later, Mike’s arms laden with books, paper, and writing things as he vanished to his room. And when he was finally up there the space beneath the bed was abruptly far less appealing than it had been before. He practiced letters instead, idle and determined as he dragged his pencil across the page in lines that were a little clumsy but steadily grew certain with every new one. 

_ I’m safe. I’m okay. They can’t get me here. I’m safe _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story was started just a short while ago, but I am considering a hiatus. It has nothing to do with response. You have been wonderful readers and I've greatly appreciated the feedback. However, due to personal issues my mental health has taken a severe dive. I did something I'm not proud of. I still have 5 more chapters already written for this, so I will continue updating for now. For any other updates check my blog, fairylights101writes, or the tag #fic: lebenswille. You can also direct questions there or to my main, fairylights101.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at fairylights101 or fairylights101writes  
> Follow this fic with the tags fic: lebenswille
> 
> Comments are great. You should leave one.


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